My new found financial freedom has made me act crazy. Not the kind of crazy I previously wrote about here. I mean the kind of crazy that has people who know me pretty well raising their eyebrows and quietly muttering “Well, ok…” under their breath in disbelief.
I found that over the last few weeks I’ve been agreeing to things I never normally would. For starters, I’ve started entering competitions that have been emailed to me or that I’ve walked past in the street. My insurance company ran a “win $25,000” kind of lotto. My gym ran a “win a trip to Vietnam” competition. And for some reason, I entered both. My instantaneous thought process was “I don’t have a debt! I don’t need to work constantly to pay it off anymore. If I did win a holiday, I could actually take it!” and my thought process is, you know, kinda right. Chances of me winning these things are next to none, but instead of holding myself back, I figured you’ll definitely never win if you don’t enter. So I’ve entered.
I’ve also started going out more. People invite me to a gig – YES! Let’s get a bite to eat – YES! Hey, can I get a lift to – YES! I feel like Jim Carrey in Yes Man and all I need to do now is buy a new mattress and jump on it with a glass of wine. (Thankfully, I have a great mattress and the presence of mind not to buy a new mattress just for the sake of it… For now…) I’ve been so busy saying YES! to things that I haven’t really done anything I’d normally do. I’ve neglected gym, neglected Tirades (both written and filmed) and I’ve neglected my much needed journey of self improvement.
While my outlook on life is becoming increasingly positive, it’s almost unrelenting and I think people are beginning to worry about me. I still go on rants, and people are still frustrating, and the world is still going to hell in a hand-basket faster than you can say “¿Donde está la biblioteca?” But I’m seeing the good in people. I’m seeing the benefit of taking tiny risks. I’m not so cynical about things like competitions. Conversations are being steered away from negativity and I’ve found I’m trying to call other people out on their negative impact on those around them.
Part of me is concerned I’m becoming self righteous or annoying. And to some people, I probably am. I think there will be a bit more soul searching needed as I adjust to the (relatively) stress free life of being Debt Free. I’ve noticed that other behaviour has also started to change and I’m not loving those bits that are changing. I’ve noticed I’ve become a bit more domineering. I’ve started talking about myself a lot more, and I’ve probably interrupted or swayed conversations to be about me. It’s a balancing act to stay positive, but to also not become dominating in my positivism/”life experience”. It is something I’m aware of, and something I do need to take steps to change and keep in check.
While I traverse the scary ground of re-self discovery, I’m hoping the positivity doesn’t fade. I’m hoping I can once again find that sweet spot of contentment I like to preach about so much. A small part of me is hoping that my version of contentment contains a slightly higher standard for myself. One can only search and hope, I suppose. If you have any tips for me, I’m always open to learning and hearing new suggestions!
Stay silly, folks! xx